who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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