so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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