Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
