i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My pussy is not your playground.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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