Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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