There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize