Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
