honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
