i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
