So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
