bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is that strawberry winking at me??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
