I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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