She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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