dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
