Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
