apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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