i jhust puked up my retainher.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
