guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
They have beer where we have blood.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
