not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
