I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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