I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
