I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
