its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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