Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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