went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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