She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
