Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
