my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
