I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize