If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
