its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
