if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
