I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize