unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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