Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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