Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
