I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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