my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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