I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
