Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
