I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
