the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize