A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
