If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
