I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
