I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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