You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
