I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
