What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
