I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
