I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
