Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
