I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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