Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
