A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
