woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
