Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
