sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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