sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
