Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dicks are not precious.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
