No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
