Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
