you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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