I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
