so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
