At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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