I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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