is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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