Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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