You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
