Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
