Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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