he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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