if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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