He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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