Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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