I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
